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Last night I got to go see Kaia and Amy at the Bell House in Brooklyn; I took Hunter with me and it was unseasonably warm and light out. Since it was still Pesach and since I knew T. was gonna be there with his new boy I dealt with it like a grown-up by draining two plastic cups of tequila on ice with lime before Kaia had even finished her opening set. That, combined with the gorgeous music and wide net of friends there to love up on me, made it totally doable. Kaia's songs hit me in the heart of course ('remember those times you stole the breath from my gut') even when she sang about puppies and sea-turtles and Amy was amazing, her puppy-print shirt and pure joy in playing. It was so good, accidental Butchies reunion on stage and all. And friends even friends I'd made through T. had
my back and held me in all the ways that count. Then drunk I got to go home and hang out and bake and eat Thai food with Hunter before catching a late train home in prep for roommate interviews this am. Now I'm hazy half-hungover more from sleep dep and a bad nap than anything, settling in at MaxCaffe to wrap up my Irigaray paper G-d willing though I really just wanna lie on my back and listen to Kaia.

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Today as Shabbos was ending we visited my grandmother, my dad's mom down in Warminster, framed photos filling the surprisingly-cozy apartment and piano-top, rooster tchotchkes and blue glassware and a whole hook/rack devoted to outlandish red hats, feather boas and purple accents galore. When we got there she fixed me a drink, some good (cheap?) vodka called Pravda on the rocks with a jalapeno-stuffed olive, said, "You need this, after what you've been through" which felt like the perfect grandmotherly medicine, acknowledgment and tonic.

She brought us mixed nuts in little glass dishes, showed off her surprisingly-good $14 wig from a catalogue and the others in rotation, and told us great if likely confabulated family stories as the sun set hot pink and smoky indigo over the parking lot outside. Then she kicked us out cos she had to go to dinner with her UpWords club friends or something, promise of a visit up to the city soon, maybe for the opera.

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Oct. 25th, 2011 10:54 pm
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That's right:

I took it down!

It took me so long to admit that I like this song so now I'm wanna (almost-shamelessly) subject you to it too.
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will + surrender, surrender + will:
make it plain.
I think sometimes the key is to tell G-d the necessary outlines of what you want and then turn it over to Her.
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This morning smelled like tea tree and rose oil, lit my candles and wrapped tefillin, warm beeswax and leather. Nine hours of sleep in my love's arms, vivid dreams and a good little chunk of writing done last night and about to leave for class soon. I'm not gonna beat myself up for not super-efficiently using this early-afternoon to write; I'll have other opportunities to do establish discipline and writing routines. Right now I'm just feeling grateful and aligned, a more open channel, flow between my souls and an abating sinus ache.
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"Do not worry! all will be perfect for you."
--Uncle Yannis


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