In addition to the ush' (4 or 5 t-shirts, ditto on undies, spare tzistzis, passport etc), I am folding into my backpack:
-"gentleman's" mirrored compass (both from my Daddy-o)
-siddur, tehillim & tefillin
-comp for diss writin'
-Ethics& folder o' essays for ditto
-salt-worn brass clips
-green bandana, spare kippah(s)
-dop kit consisting of karpouzi sunstick, toothbrush, t etc
-special kosh wine Hunter gave me for my bday, wrapped in my hooded beach towel
-travel wallet w/Rebbe card and tzedakah from my hevrusa (so "[I] can be shliach mitzvah")
-borrowed travel guitar
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
The new moon makes me permeable and weepy, even on T, last night spent on the verge of tears even hours after a good kitchen-table talk with my bro about long-held character misgivings etc re: T., the times he had that other boy over while I was away and how it weirded my brother out, the context, the superficiality, the way he apparently "looks just like you, well, you know," another small dark-haired tranny with sturdy hips I guess, what do I know. I dragged myself to the gym to break the post-bus hit-by-a-truck feeling before a couple hours of work at MaxCaffe over milky black tea. Then cos all I wanted was to smoke cigarettes I treated myself to veggie bun xao noodles from Saga (another trigger, where Daddy used to buy us food, credit cards I can't remember and probably maxed out anyway still on file) for dinner instead and bought a cheap bottle of Camenere from Harlem Vintage. Le souci de soi, and this morning:
-modeh ani when I wake up gray outside ready to cry
-wiping down the baseboards
-oatstraw infusion in the washed-out jar from the preserved lemons, switched to the scrubbed-out jar from last solstice's sourdough starter
-tefillin, feeding the dove, a kala I need more of
-to the gym! deadlifts to Gillian's harrow and harvest
-picking up my tailored hand-me-down diesels, the winter coat I never dry-cleaned til now
-seeing Sebastian in for his stay
etc etc etc, this is life now. Today I have to present in BioLogix on a paper I haven't really written yet, but luckily I'm retooling an essay I worked on before so I should be able to turn it out without getting tweaked; I really am trying to do it without pills now, for this paper at least.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Becoming Animal, David Abram
Torah Journeys, R. Shefa Gold
Torah, the Artscroll edition tanakh
The Calculus of Variation, Diane DiPrima
Greek Tragedies vol. 1, borrowed from Di
Tales of the Hasidim, Martin Buber, scored tonight at Westsider after Kabbalah class
Cunning Folk and Familiar Spirits, Emma Wilby
On the Wings of Shekhinah
Philosophy in the Tragic Age of the Greeks
Listening to the Land
In a nutshell, really.
(And oh, the mostly-used books I've purchased recently waiting to arrive:
-Rami Shapiro's so far just-okay guide to Tanya
-Your Word is Fire on Hasidic prayer
-David Abram, Becoming Animal
-Emma Wilby, Cunning Folk and Familiar Spirits
-a book on Kabbalah in tarot
-A Sand County Almanac
I really went wild.)
2) Sometimes I think I could make myself a Butchies mixtape and be happy any time of year.
3) I think I want to do Birthright before it's too late but I'm also kind of terrified at the prospect (of going to Israel, under those auspices, etc). On the other hand if my only real plan B is the rabbinate then I should really at least get over there and see/hear Hebrew. And it would be a great jumping off point to *Greece which I've been missing terribly and Turkey too. It would be awesome to be able to go through ALEPH (the Jewish Renewal organization).
-A three-inch wide book called The History of Tom Jones, A Foundling with illustration plates, a gift for Taylor.
-Escoffier's Ma Cuisine, in English malheureusement.
-The Kybalion, a little blue hardback book of soi-disant Hermetic philosophy
-Woman Who Glows in the Dark, about curanderismo
-The Quantum Gods, a real black occult paperback from Weiser
-Paul Auster's City of Glass, which the guy inside congratulated me on
-A dark little gastronomical novel called The Debt to Pleasure with a cut-out on the jacket framing a picture of a peach
-And oh, maybe the best for last, Kazantzakis' The Saviors of God: Spiritual Exercises
(Incidentally, I was really impressed by how casually queer and trans-positive they were there, despite being initially put off by a disgusting piece of hetero clipart on their little desk basket of condoms. Their intake forms were good and probably facilitated the positive stress-free reaction I was able to have with the nurse and doc I saw. This compared to getting called "ma'am" over the phone when I called C-L's urgent care line early this morning. I know they were just trying to be polite but it's always too early for that shit.)
2) This is starting to look like a personal seasonal cycle for me: Last year only 3 weeks from now I had strep throat, what the hell. What can I do to stop this from happening??
3) I certainly skipped all my classes tonight as a result, last of the semester if I don't go to the French rendezvous tomorrow. It seems a fitting end to a semester I could scarcely fit into the groove. Now all I have to do is write something on/inspired by Aristotle's Physics I can actually be proud of in two weeks' time, but I'll deal with that come Friday. Right now I'm obsessively tailoring a mixtape like the Virgo I might've been, buzzed on a tiny tumbler of wine.
2) dog run
3) coffee with cream
4) decoupage (found blank hardback notebook on the next block over, turned into 7-pointed star assignment book)
6) later: gym, readings, csa, dinner-cookin', new year
the book came out so ( pretty ) I almost don't wanna use it for what I'd intended.
2)Right now I want to go drink a big glass of water and eat the dark red cherries in our fridge drawer, spit the pits.
3)I'm proud of myself today for taking responsibility without taking any shit, you know?
4)I have soo many new books to read- trying to cram it all in before school starts at the end of the month-- it's almost overwhelming!
5)Is it just me or are the leaves getting ready to drop?
1) Rhubarb crisp.
(Okay, actually, 1): Ha prayer and kala. 2): Rhubarb crisp. Which makes:)
3) Paper expansion (possible publication).
Oops also 5) Work out.
Everything is totally doable.
-Goddess Initiation, Francesa DeGrandis
-The Tree of Enchantment, Orion Foxwood
-Apprenticed to Magic, W.E. Butler-- charming!
-More Derrida than you can shake a stick at, including Borradori's book of interviews. Whoever thought I'd be picking that up again.
-so many books:
kissing the limitless
endgame v.2 (and probably more)
-a raise, which helps
-but also newfound discipline (new twists on daily practice reinvigorates me and, surprise, centers + aligns)
-a gum-chew hole in my head
-clear cold sunshine
-gotta go to the gym!
2) I'm grateful that somehow blessedly the men I work with in the kitchen do not see me in a mis-angled light- they name me right, call me amigo and toss cans of coke tight to my chest.
3) from "Ode to Elegance," from the calculus of variation, DiPrima:
let us now praise all fleshly consummation
(the elegance of sweat)
into the burning loneliness of this place
desert of salt
in this white light
under this rush of wind
all things teem forth like dust motes in the air
that all things send forth love, inanimate
that all these loves have mingled in the air
and set up a great clangor
in the nodes
heart of this sound, this deadly spirit love
a cosmos come to birth
The Essential Kabbalah, Daniel Matt
The Ladder of Lights, William Gray
Working The Spirit, Joseph Murphy
And today I just picked up from the library:
flash of the spirit, Robert Farris Thompson
mumbo jumbo, Ishmael Reed
Lots of books by boys, at least since I paused with Pedagogies of Crossing (I savored the last chapter and saved the rest for later.)
I got shoe dye at the deli downstairs!