starfrosting: (firmament)
Can anyone fully inhabit a gender without a degree of horror? How could someone 'be a woman' through and through, make a final home in that classification without suffering claustrophobia? To lead a life soaked in the passionate consciousness of one's gender at every single moment, to will to be a sex with a vengeance-- these are impossibilities, and far from the aims of feminism....[T]here are always different densities of sexed being in operation...
(--Denise Riley, 'Am I That Name?')
starfrosting: (Default)
1) A flaming tin of boot polish is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

2) I just got back from a nice long walk with Critter to the dogrun over in Morningside. On the way over I made friends with this West Indian man named Sunshine, who chatted with me about all sorts of stuff but was also kind of flirting with me. It took me a minute, but I was like, Ohhhh, he thinks...Oh.

I am training my self not to care, you know? Focus on the positive effects of méconnaisance, like strange joyful interactions with neighborhood men who don't know I'm a boy. (I mean, not like I'm always misread by everyone, but it happens, like at the 124th st deli. For a while, oh blissful ignorance, I just thought the guy behind the counter was fearless about flirting with boys. Oops.) Speaking of blissful ignorance, I am also trying to give myself the benefit of the doubt in situations where I can't tell-- like at the dog run, with this beautiful hazel-eyed kinda straight-acting guy with a little dog named Bucket.

3) So, trying not to care, but also, in true Gemini fashion, oscillating back and forth regarding wanting to shoot T again. Baaack, and forth. Wanting to feel my voice thickening in my throat again.

4) Time for a bathroom haircut.

pass/fail

Aug. 25th, 2008 01:09 am
starfrosting: (Default)
"In any case, they will find it hard to distinguish their shame from its politics, their personal failings from the power of alien norms."
(michael warner, the trouble with normal)

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