"every three words"

Just a quick note- the general state of things:
-I may have a job tomorrow. (!)
-eating + collating w/Jaclyn was grand.
-allergies
-hair clippers! and fruit o' the loom undies what really fit.
-not working out today. thumbs down.
-possibly stopping smoking for an indefinite period of time, so I can
-get in better shape, woo.

Also, gave genderqueer to my mom to read cos she wants overstanding. This strikes me as *good*, even though none of those essays really match my experience precisely (...but perhaps that's a good thing? and an impossible expectation at that.)

-cool summer night
-breezes
-new moon
-new Melissa Ferrick album
-summer solstice...tomorrow! (or today, as it were.)

"Do you always wait for the longest day of the year and then miss it?"

Woo!...



...and that's just when I took the test for queer boys. Oh wow.

On a (somewhat) related note, I've just been pleased as punch lately when I think about how I no longer feel like a lame version of 'butch'--I'm realizing that that identity was a way for me to kinda enter into a queer gender, and that it fits me when it's modified:
-away from stereotypes. No, I don't fix cars or play sports. Ooh, so I lift weights. Somehow that's supposed to set my gender right?

-so I can be a bottom!

-as boyish, somewhat faggy, masculinity that's not so very, well, masculine I guess.

-in a way that has plenty of room for other, always failed identifications.

-such that I can claim the gender outside of a butch-femme dynamic. I like bois, goddammit!

So yeah, this has just been sorta brewing since I wrote that zine article 5 months ago. I look back on it now and am sorta embarrassed...I was trying so hard to find my place there, but was befuddled by stereotypes of 'what's butch' and 'what's not'-- But clearly there's strength for me in this identity and so I will continue to deploy it, find comfort and community in it, and, of course, be fantastically attracted to its many manifestations.

mmm...the smell of garlic downstairs. After dinner I am driving to the Indian Rock to secure my job. (so mote it be) *And*, and---

good Litha! Happy solstice. Mythologically speaking, the sun god dies today, the longest day of the year, and sets sail through the otherworld...Anyway, so few of my friends who read this are Pagan (2, I believe?) that I'm gonna stop now and just do ritual later. Wish me luck on getting this gig!


ps-Colin, catch the Great Gatsby reference! Catch it!