blessing the path

[starfrosting]

Ahhhh...

my calling?

Is it?

I wrote to Jeanette about it, to ask her advice as a philosophy student. She said:

So, though nobody likes this question i have to ask it: are you
really sure that you want to get a PhD in philosophy? You
have to understand that the first thing any grad student or
professor feels the need to do is to convince you to not go.
There's only one reason to go, and so many reasons not to
go. If it is at all possible for you to do what you want to do
with your life without a phd in philosophy, then i wouldn't do it.

I feel like what she has to say is pretty right on, from what both Uma and Jami have told me. And I mean, I guess the thing is...Even though my primary passion is feminist philosophy (Grosz, Butler, Braidotti, etc) I still feel like I need a fucking solid background in philosophy of all kinds to be able to do that and teach it and whatever. I can't think of a better way to be rigorously schooled (as it were) than philosophy. I guess then the question emerges, Does it make sense to do this if you want to do gender studies just as much as philosophy? If you anticipate teaching gender studies/feminist theory just as much as you anticipate teaching philosophy? I feel like yes. But I am flailing.

I feel called. But I don't know if that's just my own projection. It seems like a wicked hard path to embark on unless it's what you have to do.

So, is it what I need to do with my life? I think so...

Comments

[worldwalkerdc.livejournal.com]

One thing I've found useful is to look into the backgrounds of people whose work and lifepath I respect. How did they get where they are today? Do I want to do what they did? Is there variation in the paths people took to a similar outcome, and do I prefer one more than the other? This, of course, requires modern-day heroes whose lives are 1) visible, and 2) not terribly out-of-date with the one you're leading. That is to say, if they came into their prime in the 1940s, the field was different then, as were requirements, core competencies, and expectations of their peers. The best you can do then is to estimate how their path would look in today's world of associations, academies, and increased subspecialization. It's very hard to see "there" from "here," so it helps to look at the trailblazers for a clue.

Finally, I don't believe in a limited universe, so while this philosophy is hard to apply at times, I walk around with the belief that anything I do now is relevant, and if at any point I want to change my direction and focus, I can--and to great success. Academia might be pretty regulated, but still, some people do change focus, take a few years to live outside the ivory tower, and still manage to return, with credibility and success.

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Yr advice really resonated with me. I also tend to put faith in the possibility of imminent transformation--or, as you put it, "the belief that anything I do now is relevant, and if at any point I want to change my direction and focus, I can--and to great success." Also, I have (perhaps unsurprisingly? *s*) been looking to the paths of people I respect to see how they have negotiated this...The 2 women in particular who I am thinking of pursued PhD's in philosophy, with a great deal of very different crap to struggle against, and have come out to be two of the most (intellectually, personally) influential people I've encountered. So, even having some idea of all the stuff they had to put up with as, on one hand, a non US-born woman of color, and a queer woman on the other, I am still encouraged and inspired to pursue this. Part of what's pushing me forward is the great effect these women have had on me--I believe that by doing the work they are doing, they *are* indeed transforming philosophy, in whatever micro ways.

[rahas41283.livejournal.com]

thing is, why must this decision me made now? Are you hoping to go straight into grad school? Is it your last chance to have a college degree in philosophy? Are there maybe programs that you could go to to get you ready to go back to school for a philosophy phd? What are the schools like abroad? Does some fantastic school have a philosphy phd with a feminist bend? If you are really trying to make this decision there (as you can see above) there may be more to it than just the choice between feminist stuff and philosophy stuff. Also, a lot of classic philosophy is the most annoying thing ever to me. Will you have to do a lot of work that is based on assumptions you don't agree with? On the other hand, a lot of feminist literature is the most annoying thing to me. And the idea of taking classes with feminists (shudder) is one of the most repulsive things ever to me. Maybe they have a general post-modern program somewhere? Ah well.