drag

[starfrosting]

I'm wondering if it's possible for me not to fall into this sharp divide between "smoking!" and "not smoking!", if I can smoke cigarettes without making it a habitual way of dealing with stress, if I can just smoke, occasionally, without the protracted commitment slow tobacco suicide requires. I'm wondering if I'll go do Pilates tomorrow and afterward feel like an ass for having a package of Camels sitting in my room, or afterward feel like a cigarette before Women's Studies. I guess it doesn't matter; I know full well what the risks are as well as what my own tendencies are for addiction and anxiety and repetitive rituals. What I don't really know are my own motivations for picking this up again, other than the inkling that it's not as serious an either/or thing as I had to make it in order to stop completely. What I need to do is stop rattling and just listen. I'll hear.

Comments

g

[kittenpistol.livejournal.com]

olivia, i'm at the same fucking point you are in this sigarette business. I smoked for about 10 days straight, between 1-3 per day, and now i'm at a standstill. I like smoking for a little bit, because i can handle it, get a buzz and its soothing. then after about two weeks, my body tells me to stop. at heart, i do not think i'm a smoker. you're probably not either. If you smoke for a couple days, and then just listen to your body, you'd be able to stop before anything happens.

i have a question. what is baudelaire?