improper grammar on purpose

[starfrosting]

I think the reason I feel so fucked up
is cigarettes.
As in I need them. Badly. That's a sign that I'm healing, or that I'm at least not in
excruciating pain.

But I feel really really out of it. Like my heart's on a plate. And like
I won't be able to sleep for a while, and like I want everything and want to write while I'm in this place, but words just...I'm so sick of them.

Does anyone but poets get sick of words?

Maybe all I can do since I'm at home away from my friends at school and still technically pretty sick is make a lot of playlists, which is sad cos it's not analog. And I'd like to think I'd light incense and breathe, or write for my zine
or make some poems but I can tell where that's gonna end up so maybe I'll just
read some Braidotti instead.

God I feel so fucked up. If I had a package of rolling tobacco and some wine, or a package of tobacco and some pills, or hell, even a pack of cigarettes---I'm sure I'd be in a better place. Sweet sweet nicotine.

Comments

[m00npearl.livejournal.com]

"Sweet sweet nicotine"... Livvie.. i don't think i've ever loved you more!... you're my favorite little Boi ever!

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

I knew the last line would lure you in, Miamou. Honestly. That's why I put it in.

I love you! And I better see yr ass around solstice.

[strauss.livejournal.com]

What do you think of Braidotti? I'm in the midst of Metapmorphosis now, and I'm just not a fan. We had a lecture from her a couple of weeks ago, and I asked her about how genderqueers fit into sexual difference theory, and she just started talking to me about how Judith Butler can't talk about bodies. It's true, Butler keeps going back to language and discourse whenver she talks about bodies, but my academic crush is still on Butler not Rosi.
I did run into Rosi at the post office, though, and she gave me a big hug and told me I asked good questions. That was cool.

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have an academic thing for Judith not Rosi. I'm actually reading bits of Metamorphoses and Nomadic Subjects right now...but I'm also too overwhelmed by work to really dive into it...I mean, so far I'm digging her reading of Deleuze. I see how it might raise some poorly-angled questions, but I'm at the stage when I can't really read Deleuze first hand so I'm digging it.

I do find a very problematic--but characteristic!-opposition in her work b/w "gender theory" and sexual difference. Maybe this is a function of European v. Amerikan theorizing on gender, but I think she opposes gender-emphasizing-difference to gender-emphasizing-androgyny in really unfair ways. And I mean, personally I think Butler can talk about bodies despite the fact that she herself says she always talks about language. I think she does a fabulous job of talking about both discursivity and materiality, as in the lesbian phallus essay I like so much.

That's so funny/amazing to run into Rosi Braidotti at the post office. I'm gonna have to tell my professor about that.

It's good to hear from you and I'd like to hear some more of yr thoughts about Braidotti and the Netherlands. Hope I haven't gone on too much; I'm in that early-afternoon groove.