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Aside from revisions, I finished my thesis! I'm so glad. I'm sure there's plenty of editing and polishing still to be done, but frankly, I feel pretty done, in all senses.

Useful Keith Ansell-Pearson quote for my own purposes:
"Deleuze insisted that a 'philosophy such as this' requires that the notion of the virtual stop being 'vague and indeterminate.' This appears to overlook the fact that the virtual is by nature something intrinsically vague and indeterminate." (Philosophy and the Adventure of the Virtual, 3)
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So evidently the feeling you get when you finally print out all 109 pages of your thesis draft is...anti-climax. Maybe it's because my appleworks-cum-word document was being an absolute pain in the ass ((oh, where'd this indented quote go? off the imaginary margin of the screen!)), or maybe it's because the intro and conclusion are nowhere near as good as the rest of it is, but there it is, denouement and a thick fat pile of barely-stapled thesis to my left, complete with a hot-pink post-it to my thesis advisor.

At least til I get my hands on an English translation of Limited Inc and get some comments back, I'm...done with it, for a little while. Yay!
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oh and I have 30 pages of my thesis
and a bad desire to uncover the connection between Bodies without Organs and virtuality-
just not tonight.

but hopefully soon, because that will be crucial. not just for the structure of my paper
but for the whole rest of the damn thing.
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1. What does it cost to tell the truth?

2. I'm finally starting to work on my thesis, which feels good. It's been dreary and rainy all day which also feels kind of good. I went to the gym for an hour and a half and only realized that I was sort of procrastinating once I'd finished my last set of sit-ups and felt my whole body tightened pleasantly.

3. So much for waking up early, but I did have enjoyably epic dreams about stealing and editing books and receiving strange packages from far-flung boys, spinning the locale from vaguely Philly-like cities to my old nextdoor neighbor's backyard.
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The cans in front of me: Cream Ale, lemon-lime seltzer, Diet Coke.
The feeling in me? Good.
The thesis outline? Sprawling enough that I feel comfortable just working on it towards a quick end at a reasonable bedtime. It is, after all, only meant to be a 5 pg outline-- a motivational and organizational tool, certainly, but not much beyond that.

Gym class in less than 11 hours-- how inappropriate. I worked out today on my own which felt really good.

Overall I'm feeling so much more calm and in place about things, thank G-d. The light was spilling in through my window this morning when I woke up on 5 hours' sleep and I still felt so grateful. It's nice to have an altar at the head of yr bed.

And, I'm so excited to get to give myself a mini-break to go to the city to see my boyfriend and my again-departing friends and, at the end of it all, most likely get my first shot.

Moon's full in a couple of days; makes sense.

sending love--

tendencies

Sep. 3rd, 2006 01:59 am
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So then there's always that problem that I articulated to Nicole probably freshman year or shortly thereafter, that urge to develop some theory that includes everything (without, of course, being totalizing, but just being so holographic and tight that it somehow speaks to everything I'm interested in). It's a tongue-in-cheek urge, but it still comes out now and again. I said something about wanting to have it all written down. Nico's response? "Yeah, you could write it all down in a little red book and carry it everywhere you go!"

Words to the wise, those. My thesis 'outline' keeps spiraling out, which is both exciting and worrisome. I mean, why not include a brief and relevant discussion of the import of becoming-intelligible alongside the exploration of the role of melancholia in Judith Butler's work on gender? Well, one good reason why not is that it could just be sloppy. But it *could* work, if I link it to some questions about the affective aspects of thinking sexual difference as a virtual multiplicity. And that will only work if I make that problem a main thrust of my argument, which has yet to emerge in any specific form.

Anyway, doing my work is cheering me up a bit, or at least distracting me from the gravity of afore-mentioned mommy-daddy-me stuff. I can't lose my focus now!
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Braidotti's critique of Butler's melancholia-- brings Deleuzean affirmation to bear on the question of sexual difference-- engaging virtual multiplicity w/regards to gender with an eye to Butler's use of melancholy in her theorizations of corporeality-- stop splitting "sexual difference" as an epochal question and questions of subjective bodily becomings-- is it impossible to read Butler and Deleuze together because of their (it seems) totally different conceptions of the self and the subject? Or not?-- How can Butler's work on gender melancholy be brought to bear on Deleuzean affirmation? What is contained in D + G's affirmative corporeal becomings and how does the gesture towards virtual multiplicties-- common to both Butler and Deleuze in different ways-- account for the somatic/affective aspects of affirming different sexual differences? Is there space for melancholy in affirmative becoming?

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