there's more to life than books, you know

See I was thinking of her in terms of me
That's like thinking of birds in terms of bees
Or is more like thinking of pianos in terms of keys?
Whatever it is, it ain’t right.

What a good song. Love love love. Sunlight spilling in from the lead glass windows in the library. I'm so hungry need to plan the day. Got all anxious last night about not being able to constitute myself in relation to truth + gender (what are you really, your own soft voice in yr head, gender it!) but fuck that, I'm so sick of it. Find where it is and go the other way? I wish. Forget predication, forget truth claims, forget *who* or *what* and stretch, find the comfortable spaces, trust yr self to be yourself regardless of all this drek and fear of instrumentation. That's what I'm trying to do these days.

So hungry! Dragging my feet on this paper I started so early 10 days ago and then stopped working on. Tonight's gonna be the night. It can't be too much the night though cos I have class at 9 the next morning.

Evidently when I'm anxious I:
-check my email a lot
-feel my face get warm
-know my heart is thrumming against my chest
-can't figure out what it's due to, exactly
-decide to be forward about trying to make things better on one level, and find that just makes me need even more assurance which is sorta fucked
-want to get the shit beat out of me, in a nice way
-have trouble outlining Haraway concisely
-feel weird in my body
-feel my chest get sorta tight.

Anyway.