there's more to life than books, you know

Today after I went to the gym for an hour and a half I came home wanting nothing more than to eat a big bloody piece of meat, so while my clothes were spinning I walked to the meat market near the train and got some rib-eye, a bag of potatoes and some kale. Then I was struck with the ethical dilemma of how I was gonna eat steak and potatoes without butter (or, without butter and cheddar mashed up into twice-baked potatoes), but I called my mom for moral support and went for it. Instead I fried up some onions in the steak juice, poured in some brandy and didn't miss the mother's milk at all.

The air is light and the light is stretching slow and sparkly this spring, the tree-buds coming out so green I wish early spring could just dilate and dilate out for another little while. The whole way I inhabit my body + the earth changes, opens up. Something about it makes it seem like a really good idea to start smoking again, the pleasure of tobacco smoke sucked down yr throat in the frothy air and late slow sun, but I'm not going there just yet.

The other night I went out to Brooklyn to hang out with Matt + Seth. We walked down the river, talking down the line of the railguard, in a row on a bench, in a row at the counter of the most amazing Montreal-Jewish non-kosher 'deli' that was really an open-kitchen restaurant with cooks who clearly love food. Ohhh my g-d the platter of cured/smoked brisket and mustard and rye, plus pickles and sunchokes and little poured glasses of IPA, so good. But mostly we just got high on the amazing crumbly-dry juicy red meat. Then we drank whiskey and then I went home with Seth to talk and drink more whiskey. I am on a roll, spring is here.

Will ever a Pesach come 'round when I don't miss my car? Poor, poor Volvo I loved. The trees are **budding here, shoots are pushing up through the dirt. I am not the only one in my neighborhood walking around with my head tilted just a little toward the sky, smelling spring.

She sneaks up from behind/Come on, you deserve it!

( nearest book, pg 23, find the fifth sentence and copy the next three )

I don't feel like tagging but please know I'm thinking of you and would like to know what books you're by.

Whoa, I'm done with my thesis! It's due the day after tomorrow. I need to write a paper on Arendt. I'm exhausted from staying up late last night at a debaucherous and very gay frat party. Hungry. Kind of incoherent, but filled with energy from the shifting light, blue skies all day thick clouds and now the slow slide of twilight. (And a beautiful hawk, cream-colored underbelly, swooping by me while I speeded up on the Taconic. Mmm, spring!)

This is a poem by Diane DiPrima, the last in a series of four called "Songs to Spring." The other ones are good too. Ahem.

Well spring
I'm onto your tricks
don't think
I'll be easier on you
because
all winter
you sat on a fence
and grinned
spring
when you come again
I think
I'll never sleep
for walking the
2 AM mist
till dawn
and then
dancing the day

Perhaps I should go back to my performativity paper. I feel oddly sleepy and worn down. Perhaps that's because I had Ahkmak for dinner. Really what I feel like is writing poetry but I don't know if I've got it in me. May as well give it a go.