the wet spot (or, 'oh, my mom.')

Wow I just needed to share this with you all:
Today my mom and I went out for a late breakfast, because like all the people in my family, we bond over food. I guess that's not too unusual.
So anyway, we're sitting there drinking coffee and I'm blowing my nose a lot because I have a cold. My mom offers me her napkin, ripping off the damp spot where she had blown her nose. As I'm staring off into space, she says to me:

"Liv, this is what I'd say to you if you weren't my daughter. It's sexual"

Okay Mom, I say. What?

"Well, when you have lesbian sex, you don't have to worry about who sleeps in the wet spot because there's no wet spot."

I start laughing. "That's not true, Mom-"

"No no!" she interjects. "I don't wanna hear about it. I just wanted to tell you that."

"What the hell made you think of that, Mom?" I ask.
She replies that she was thinking about the wet spot on the napkin.

"Well anyway Mom, do you want me to explain to you why that's untrue?"

"NO!" she exclaims. "I don't want to think about where wet spots could come from. Wet spots come when a pile of sperm lands somewhere." ((note: i think she said pile but i can't be entirely sure.))

"Now I feel kinda like I need to throw up a little," I said, trying to think not of sperm but rather of all the not-lesbian sex I must have been having all the while to not have arrived at my mom's insight about wet spots.

So yeah. I'm sorry to have used the phrase 'wet spot' so many times in this entry, but you know, I really do believe you needed to hear this story.