coordination is overrated.

I mean, ( I never was good at sports, nor was I particularly enthralled by athletics )

And I guess around those lines, I am soo excited for Phenomenology in an hour, with Professor Borradori. I should really get dressed and eat something before that. Instead, I'm gonna read in a queer time + place which finally came in the mail yesterday and listen to more of PJ Harvey because I can't stop doing so.

oh + drinking Bombay Sapphire w/Matt + Seth + Cristina was glorious. I can't wait to live with those boys.

doubt, patriarchal gender roles, and stasis!

Tired and directing a fair bit of self-doubt where it soaks up well; I'm sure these two actions are feeding into each other but there's not much I can do but listen to Gil Scott-Heron and the Wailers and other music that has bass that makes me more chill. Ay if I point a finger at it it might disappear, but it seems that instead I'm just sitting topless in jeans feeling a bit of blue.

I'm also remembering something this woman said in the context of conversation at yaffa's before it was stuck up. An otherwise pleasing progressive Pagan person, she was responding to some mention of 'genderqueer' and voiced her support. "It's just so great what they're doing, breaking down male and female roles, butch/femme copies of heterosexual roles..." One thing that's really great is that a lot of times when someone says something like that it just hits me so hard that I feel like if I talk I'm gonna cry so I just stare off rather than engaging them. Like seriously, when can't I talk about gender? Uhh, yeah, then. There were just so many things wrong. First this construction of genderqueer as supernew and radical and butch/femme as oldschool and repressive, which beyond being untrue is just plain fucked up. (so there! I don't have to be well-spoken, it's just fucked up!) This coming from a woman whose sexual ID I don't know, but who appears as a white woman with medium chin-length brown hair and glasses. Where she gets off on completely dismissing identities which I and people I love find strength and power in I don't know. I mean fuck, it's not like she's one of those Radical GenderQueers and is in the justified position of being sanctimonious (ha ha). I mean hell, obviously genderqueer and butch + femme are entirely separate anyway. AAGHHGHhh.

I just feel sort of a standstill, which is not what needs to happen at the beginning of the clean-slate semester.