unconcealedness

[starfrosting]

Got a really heavy letter from my dad in some crazy-ass format, so I got the pleasure of reading it in garbled simpletext.

And yes, he brought in both Rilke and Heidegger.
And you wonder where I get it from.

My "let me explain my whole embodiment to you and why that demands testosterone" letter to them is now at a solid 9-page single-spaced essay length. At first I figured I'd write it out by hand for that personal touch, but now I'm thinking better of it. Smearing ink with my left-handed palm across an already illegible scrawl might make an already difficult reading even more difficult.

Ireland is going well.
But if one more person on this fucking island tells me I look like Hilary Swank, I'm gonna boot on their shoes.

I'm wicked hungry. Maybe I'll make spanikopita. But then I'll have to wait.

Comments

[taxishoes.livejournal.com]

Shit, dude. See, that's why I made a book: I can't write things that long without illustrating them.

The first draft of your letter that I saw seemed almost finished. It's possible your parents don't need to know a lot of the stuff you're adding. Just a guess. If your father actually wants a dissertation, obviously I can't help you. But mainly this is something you can't argue; it's not up for argument anymore, so it's outside of this type of intellectualized conversation.

"And yes, he brought in both Rilke and Heidegger.
And you wonder where I get it from. "

Is this a Greek thing?! Or just a your-family thing?

Also, by "Hilary Swank" they must mean "one of Hilary Swank's really butch or trans characters."

love-

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

No by 'Hilary Swank' they obviously mean 'Hilary Swank playing Brandon Teena, because obviously s/he's the only transmasculine person I've ever seen with a pointy jaw.' Ahhhhh.

I think it's just a me-and-my-dad thing, honestly. You saw us at it at the dinner table.

I sent you the 'final' draft, right, with the added 'problematic narrative' part and the conclusion? Should I cut that shit? (It's totally not even a logical argument, it's just...how I kind of ended up here, then, some spiritual stuff, then, conclusion.)

Mm ugh ahh dissertation. :shudder:

[taxishoes.livejournal.com]

A pointy jaw, eh? I must disagree; I think neither your jaw nor Ms. Swanks could accurately be characterized as "pointy."

I did, and it was frightening to behold.

I'll try to respond to that whole thing in the next 48 hours . . . I'm not sure about that narrative. I mean, DO you need a narrative? Aren't your other reasons compelling enough? They're certainly more compelling than the narrative. (Damn those messy narratives.)

I miss you. :(

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Now I feel dumb for putting in the narrative, and then (characteristically) not tying it up, and then mailing it off before I got yr editorial comments. Oops.

Once I had the nickname 'crescent moon face.'

I'll try re-mailing the Dad thing to ye.
I miss you bucketfuls.

shit that's long!

[orpheuskiss.livejournal.com]

anyway, just wanted to say that i can totally understand the need ro explain things to yr folks but please please please don't go the route i did and get locked in a series of hopeless attempts to justify yr decision to them. if they aren't ready to hear sth like this (which most parents aren't) then it probably won't matter how reasoned and sensible your arguments are - they won't agree with your decision and you won't be able to convince them that you're doing the right thing. i know i would've been much better off sending my coming out letter and refusing to further explain myself. all that i got out of trying to get them to understand was a lot of extra stress and some awkward visits with clergy and parent-approved psychiatrists. once you've given them a well-crafted letter and a list of resources/people to contact/etc, i think you might be best off letting them know that it's their turn to put in some effort because you've explained yourself as much as you're going to.

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

I think you're right. There's a certain way of expending a certain amount of energy that really is just pointless. I've been explaining aand trying and trying, and they've been trying too but in these different, trying-to-convince-me or denying-it or being-angry-and-depressed ways. So. I'll send the letter and we'll see how it goes.

[transubsituated.livejournal.com]

i didn't know you were left-handed. hilary swank, ha. you're voicing which is so admirable, i'm ashamed to admit that i haven't gotten far in that progression... but :hugs:

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

voicing?
how is queer theory?
and of course I'm left-handed darling. Please.

[transubsituated.livejournal.com]

writing all that down. i get frightened when i try sometimes.
honestly a little intimidating.
meow.

A thought.

[yur-friend-liza.livejournal.com]

Pretty soon there will be new stereotypes and sayings from the straighties, ie instead of "weird and sick" they'll say "all tranny boys look alike." Maybe you're just at the beginning of that movement, Oli.
This is progress?

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

You mean we don't all look alike?

[yur-friend-liza.livejournal.com]

well, if all tranny boys looked like you, oli, we tranny chasers would be happy campers.

(except my boyfriend, of course. i like him just the way he is.)

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

thannks.
you mean Kaeden and I don't look alike? fuck, I must really have some sort of dysphoric understanding of my body! I am a blond trapped in a brunette's body!!

ps

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

it is mainly gay nontrans men who are fond of telling me this.

Re: ps

[taxishoes.livejournal.com]

Well you know, they are all so . . . small.

[triggereflex.livejournal.com]

hey kid i have nothing great to say.but i miss you and you rock and it will work out eventually

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

I miss you too dude. you should get a grant to come do, uh, sociological perspectives on Dublin or something.

and yeah, I have to tell myself it'll work out eventually, at least.

[el-convenio.livejournal.com]

oli, i think that means yr the karate kid now.
<3 nico

[(Anonymous)]

I clearly have no idea what you mean by that but I'll take it as a bolstering show of support. I fucken miss you dude, like whoa. Drink a Yuengling for me.
<3 x a lot.

[bottombunk.livejournal.com]

"But if one more person on this fucking island tells me I look like Hilary Swank, I'm gonna boot on their shoes. "

I <3 you. I'm laughing my butt off.

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

why thank you Tom. how's shit over there?

[bottombunk.livejournal.com]

Oh good... school has started and my class isn't hard enough. I guess my life is pretty easy if that's my greatest complaint.