all at once

[starfrosting]

In my dream I felt overwhelmed by everything and she was there, bulldagger smooth w/eyes compassionate and soft sweater. She took me in her arms and I felt wrapped up in safety that smelled sort of woolen and her toughness in that moment suspended to reveal the web of deep quiet knowing that pulls her butch strength together and gives it value and weight. I was crying heavy but holding it somehow in a small glass inside me so quiet in her hold and she said, "You just tried to come out with everything all at once." Soothed me without cooing, just direct gentleness and like looking deep in someone's eyes to see what they really mean. Our common Greek blood and I feltknew that she could sensefeel what I meant, like her hand was a river washing over this rock lodged in my chest. And it was understanding and validation and solidarity, that I wasn't walking any path alone, and I think I cried against her shoulder and didn't feel weak. And it was about my self-doubt and anxiety and queerness, and it was about this butch dyke not-quite boi so circle-of-light quiet top in real life taking that responsibility and power to me, transmitting it like lineage.