starfrosting | creation is/everything you do (Reply)

I'm in a weird headspace. Three+ hours sitting here at the kitchen table working on hardly-touched Greek homework for tomorrow morning, and if I were to do it all, at this pace, I'd need another six hours. Somehow time evaporates throughout the day and even when I draw up and even almost stick to schedules, there's not enough time, for this and all the stuff it's not leaving time for. Even though it's cool out it's schvitzy here in the kitchen and maybe that's part of it, the blues, plus weird traumas over the past week or so concerning people (a friend, a rabbi) I care about, somatizing it. Plus my heart hurts, the beginning of the Three Weeks and my micro-cyclic reminder of its permeating relevance (breaching the walls, exile...)
in my own life since it's a year now since T. left. And I am longing for so much, the ocean and tight knots and parties and lovers hell put it in the singular, longing for what I need in my life now what I pray for with the trees and sky and dirt and starlight, longing and instead of creating it I am sitting plodding through homework.

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