"other days the line tends to/deviate" or, Bisexuality!

First I just want to publicly apologize for referring to Hannah as "Vassar straight." That was totally assholic of me; I used it cos I think it's a funny term, but it's also really not very respectful of Hannah's true vibrant bisexuality and sorta carries bad connotations. So Hlove, my favorite palindrome, it ain't no thing, okay?

This does lead me in an interesting direction though...oh, bisexuality. (grin) Up until like 4 or 5 months ago, I totally thought I was bi. I wrote lots about it (email me about my zine to read more!) and it totally made sense at the time. I had liked boys (from 4* to Richie Oi) and now I liked girls, and why fall into the trap of monosexuality saying Choose One Real Way? And I still believe that; sexuality is not just a bi-polar proposition, we weave our erotics through past present future fantasies and experiences and desires. The thing is, though, that recently I've been putting more emphasis on the "dyke" part of my ole label bi-dyke. Which is, yknow, fine.

It's just a sensitive issue if I actually dwell on it for any length of time. I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype of bisexuality as "just a phase" because for many people, it's not. I'm not even sure if it was a stage for me. Can I just write off my past attraction to boys as some sort of falseness on the way to The Real Me?? That seems wrong...yet also, on some level, true because right now I envision myself with women now and in the future. Here I am, just disproving those slurs against bi people as unsure, indecisive- ha!

So I *am* one of those belabored people who believe claiming identity is important and that labels can be a source of strength, and right now I identify as dyke queer woman la-la-lesbian, not so much bi-dyke anymore. So fine, that's where I am. I just gotta be damn sure not to become one of those people I hate, the sanctimonious monosexual lesbian declaring bi people frivolous or unsure.

This gets hard at Vassar, where all girls seem bicurious (another term I hate) when drunk, where people adamantly resist labels and the burdens that come with them, where the people most vocal about supposed-bisexuality seem to be the people who aren't really bi at all. Of course, who am I to say who's "really" bi, right? But I mean, I want a dialogue with the bi folks who proudly claim that identity and inhabit it, who aren't (just) about glamorizing gender-blind ethical sluttery, who really feel their eroticism deep down in their fine selves instead of some oh-so-sexy college experimentalism---cos damn, I used to be bi, for fuck's sake I may still be bi, and I love bi people for breaking down dualities and loving deep hard true.

should i rather be a cyborg than a goddess?

What is so deceptive about the organic that we have to now separate ourselves from it even further and code ourselves cyborg? Am I just being stupid and lunatic to ally myself with witches trees and the moon? I know there is an essential dualism in our culture between culture/nature and it’s way too easy to put all the ecstatic magick onto some female Nature...Haraway rightly says,”American radical feminists like Susan Griffin, Audre Lorde, and Adrienne Rich have profoundly affected our political imaginations- and perhaps restricted too much what we allow as a friendly body and political language,” pointing out that they “insist on the organic, opposing it to the technological...but their symbolic systems and the related positions of ecofeminism and feminist paganism, replete with organicisms, can only be understood as oppositional ideologies fitting the late 20th century.” And look, I know that there’s this sweeping savior aspect of ecofeminism where technology=evil and goddess=nature, but I do meet Goddess embodied in this world and am I lending myself rendering myself a tool for patriarchal domination by insisting that yes, this world is holy?

http://www.stanford.edu/dept/HPS/Haraway/CyborgManifesto.html

"a short note on the sparseness of language"

I guess this means I can't kiss you now that we're friends.