despite all the amputations.

[starfrosting]

The best part of work is the chef, Val. He's fabulous, with that combination of take-no-shit and sweetness that makes me like people. Yesterday we talked about Stonewall. One day he brought me in my own box of gloves so I could use them while I did prep. He said,

"I know you just like snapping on those gloves!" And I do ;).

Something that sucks about work is that Dan Hayne (Heines? Haynes? Who the fuck cares) was there. Ordinarily I could handle that, but when he started about how my brother was the most annoying person from high school, I got pissed. When he asked what I'm studying and I told him Philosophy and Women's Studies, he said, "Ah, still with all that feminazi stuff?" I wanted to knife him. And when my stomach hurt so badly I eventually had to go home, digging my belly into my cutting board to release pressure while I chopped peppers, the sound of his little gnatty voice buzzing away about how to grill the shrimp was honestly more than I could bear. (I feel better now, thanks for asking.)

* * *
In other news...
Why do people think it's okay to use racial slurs? In the past 24 hours, I've heard "beaner" and "niglet," both in situations where I was expected to laugh.

Also, the other day I had a wonderful breakfast with Roary and Lisa. We were at Ma Dee's and this person in hir 50s came in. I read hir as a butch, which could be off. Rory leaned over and said, "What that?!" And I replied that I definitely thought the woman was a butch, or perhaps ze was a transguy. I tried not to flip shit. I just can't take that. What. Is. That. Like when at school my friend Hannah (who I know reads this, so darling, don't think I'm picking on you, I'm just calling you out on something that hurt me that I never talked about) gestured to this queer boy in our dorm and said the same thing. This shit from 2 friends who purport to love androgyny.

Even though I seem to be focusing on bad things in this entry, I actually think today's a pretty good day. Forgot to clock out though, so it'll suck if all the work I did today doesn't get me paid. Ah well. Good Shabbos.

Comments

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

heehee.
Judging by yr lj name, I'm not surprised you appreciate Kaia...;)...I;d love to talk to you as well. Feel free to drop me an email whenever @ olstephano@vassar.edu.

And it really is fucked up that my friends feel like it's okay to say that shit in the first place, much less around me. I mean, I guess I'm not visibly/"full-blown" trans (wow that was sorta offensivre! but you know what I mean, I hope) but clearly I'm a butch dyke, a genderqueer one at that, who's been dropping hints about being called a boi...Yarr.

I gotta go to work now. But let's have a talk sometime!

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

i actually really liked the name Kaya and had been using that on and off for a while. When i found tream dreasch years ago and saw kaia wilson's spelling of the name, i was hooked. I like quite a bit of the music shes done, but i chose the name not as a fan, more because of the spelling and just how it suited me. so kaia is my actual name at this point, not just LJ ^^

ill send you an email sometime.

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

cept actually you're right, i did add the "roo" as a homage to kaia "kangaroo" as she went by during the TD years ^^

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Cool. I kinda assumed Kaia was yr name. Anticipating...

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

btw, im at a very "in-between" place with transition too. so when a lot of people see me, friends included, they still on sight think "boy, working on being a girl." so im still working on forcing my name and the right pronouns on people; and im sick of dropping hints. i certainly dont care any more when house guests that dont know im trans see my bedroom with skirts and nailpolish everywhere and get confused.

i also end up being the mediator in a group if anyone looks slightly genderqueer. if i had a nickle for every time someone ask me a "what's that" type question....

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Oh man. That must be hard when visitors come by.

I'm not at an 'in between' place cos I'm not transitioning...figured I should point that out. I don't feel like I'm crossing...more like...Oh g-d I don't know. We really should talk about this through email, lol. Um, but it is weird coming from school where lots of my friends a) think about gender and b) have some idea of what sorta stuff I've been...I don't know...exploring? dealing with?...to home, where my older friends are just as fantastic as always, but let's just say it's not like w/one of my schoolfriends who says, "Hey, boy!"

And something we should speak about privately...have you felt not-yr-assigned-gender for a long long time? Cos I only sorta just started realizing...okay, I'm butch...okay, I have a lot of attachment to the word/identity 'woman,' but also to the word/identity 'boy'...so okay. I'm genderqueer...but am I trans?? etc. So yeah, this is so not the space to talk abou this. ;)

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

the "random guests seeing my room,morning attire,etc" issues can be really tough, yeah..
but im sort of turning a point where many FOAFs, neighbors have just heard through word of mouth. besides, my roommates calling me kaia in front of people that have never heard me called kaia probably also has a tendency to get people thinking and/or often confirms any suspicions.

sorry if that phrased confusingly, im pretty sleepy and just not feeling particularly eloquent or talkative at the moment..

contact me at the address in my user info, id love to talk about gender stuff through email or AIM ^^)