despite all the amputations.

[starfrosting]

The best part of work is the chef, Val. He's fabulous, with that combination of take-no-shit and sweetness that makes me like people. Yesterday we talked about Stonewall. One day he brought me in my own box of gloves so I could use them while I did prep. He said,

"I know you just like snapping on those gloves!" And I do ;).

Something that sucks about work is that Dan Hayne (Heines? Haynes? Who the fuck cares) was there. Ordinarily I could handle that, but when he started about how my brother was the most annoying person from high school, I got pissed. When he asked what I'm studying and I told him Philosophy and Women's Studies, he said, "Ah, still with all that feminazi stuff?" I wanted to knife him. And when my stomach hurt so badly I eventually had to go home, digging my belly into my cutting board to release pressure while I chopped peppers, the sound of his little gnatty voice buzzing away about how to grill the shrimp was honestly more than I could bear. (I feel better now, thanks for asking.)

* * *
In other news...
Why do people think it's okay to use racial slurs? In the past 24 hours, I've heard "beaner" and "niglet," both in situations where I was expected to laugh.

Also, the other day I had a wonderful breakfast with Roary and Lisa. We were at Ma Dee's and this person in hir 50s came in. I read hir as a butch, which could be off. Rory leaned over and said, "What that?!" And I replied that I definitely thought the woman was a butch, or perhaps ze was a transguy. I tried not to flip shit. I just can't take that. What. Is. That. Like when at school my friend Hannah (who I know reads this, so darling, don't think I'm picking on you, I'm just calling you out on something that hurt me that I never talked about) gestured to this queer boy in our dorm and said the same thing. This shit from 2 friends who purport to love androgyny.

Even though I seem to be focusing on bad things in this entry, I actually think today's a pretty good day. Forgot to clock out though, so it'll suck if all the work I did today doesn't get me paid. Ah well. Good Shabbos.

Comments

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

*hugs* im going through the same type of crap all the time..
that's always a downer when someone puts such little thought into how they phrase a such a question with the right word choice.

well, glad you had a good day in the end. id love to talk more some time, you really intrigue me. good shabbos

btw, thats a great song ^^)

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

im really tired, that came out a little backwards at points ^^

oh well, sweet dreams

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

heehee.
Judging by yr lj name, I'm not surprised you appreciate Kaia...;)...I;d love to talk to you as well. Feel free to drop me an email whenever @ olstephano@vassar.edu.

And it really is fucked up that my friends feel like it's okay to say that shit in the first place, much less around me. I mean, I guess I'm not visibly/"full-blown" trans (wow that was sorta offensivre! but you know what I mean, I hope) but clearly I'm a butch dyke, a genderqueer one at that, who's been dropping hints about being called a boi...Yarr.

I gotta go to work now. But let's have a talk sometime!

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

i actually really liked the name Kaya and had been using that on and off for a while. When i found tream dreasch years ago and saw kaia wilson's spelling of the name, i was hooked. I like quite a bit of the music shes done, but i chose the name not as a fan, more because of the spelling and just how it suited me. so kaia is my actual name at this point, not just LJ ^^

ill send you an email sometime.

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

cept actually you're right, i did add the "roo" as a homage to kaia "kangaroo" as she went by during the TD years ^^

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Cool. I kinda assumed Kaia was yr name. Anticipating...

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

btw, im at a very "in-between" place with transition too. so when a lot of people see me, friends included, they still on sight think "boy, working on being a girl." so im still working on forcing my name and the right pronouns on people; and im sick of dropping hints. i certainly dont care any more when house guests that dont know im trans see my bedroom with skirts and nailpolish everywhere and get confused.

i also end up being the mediator in a group if anyone looks slightly genderqueer. if i had a nickle for every time someone ask me a "what's that" type question....

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Oh man. That must be hard when visitors come by.

I'm not at an 'in between' place cos I'm not transitioning...figured I should point that out. I don't feel like I'm crossing...more like...Oh g-d I don't know. We really should talk about this through email, lol. Um, but it is weird coming from school where lots of my friends a) think about gender and b) have some idea of what sorta stuff I've been...I don't know...exploring? dealing with?...to home, where my older friends are just as fantastic as always, but let's just say it's not like w/one of my schoolfriends who says, "Hey, boy!"

And something we should speak about privately...have you felt not-yr-assigned-gender for a long long time? Cos I only sorta just started realizing...okay, I'm butch...okay, I have a lot of attachment to the word/identity 'woman,' but also to the word/identity 'boy'...so okay. I'm genderqueer...but am I trans?? etc. So yeah, this is so not the space to talk abou this. ;)

[kaiaroo.livejournal.com]

the "random guests seeing my room,morning attire,etc" issues can be really tough, yeah..
but im sort of turning a point where many FOAFs, neighbors have just heard through word of mouth. besides, my roommates calling me kaia in front of people that have never heard me called kaia probably also has a tendency to get people thinking and/or often confirms any suspicions.

sorry if that phrased confusingly, im pretty sleepy and just not feeling particularly eloquent or talkative at the moment..

contact me at the address in my user info, id love to talk about gender stuff through email or AIM ^^)

[dogeeseseegod.livejournal.com]

... *stares blankly* ... sorry. I'm having trouble even remembering that incident. I think I sort of remember who I was talking about... it wasn't meant to offend -- it was a genuine question of "damn, what gender is that person?" having been raised with "boys and girls," it's hard to truly be able to accept androgeny at face value without wondering what the deal is. even though i DO love androgeny. i love it because it's so rare.
*trying hard not to be defensive*

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Hi Hannah. I know I kinda set you up to be defensive, cos the more I remembered that 'incident' the more hurt I felt. Of course I know that you didn't mean anything by it...and we've all been raised with girls + boys...Anyway, I hope that me calling you out on this (wimpily, like months later...) doesn't upset you. I mean, I guess it kinda would. I certainly didn't mean it to.

[dogeeseseegod.livejournal.com]

yeah....it did upset me... this is not the first time you've used me as an example of stuff that pisses you off on your livejournal. but i do know it was thoughtless of me to say that. i realize that now. truthfully, i didn't really think about it at all at the time. you think about gender issues so much more thoroughly (that's a major understatement, I'd say) than anyone else I know. of course you would be much more careful and thoughtful about how you think and speak about it! I seem like the biggest oaf by comparison, even though I feel like I'm extremely open minded and non-judgemental. i ought to talk to you more about this kind of thing, maybe i'd actually learn something. ;)

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Well, yer certainly not an oaf, that's for sure.
And yeah, we can talk gender shite if you want, but I'd be equally happy to just drink coffee and *chat* with you...cos despite the fact that I've bitched on here about ways friends have upset me, um, I still like 'em.

[enchanteddesert.livejournal.com]

Things can get very stressful and annoying at work. Especially when people pry into your personal life, and then criticize/joke about it. Damn Dan. Some people haven't changed a wink since high school. What's a "beaner"? My only reference to that word is that woman named Beaner, which probably isn't what you're talking about. By the way, I really like working with you. I get to wink and smile at you whenever I come in the kitchen. I normally don't do that to Dan. Thanks for the yummy salad today. I asked Dan for it, and he said, "Ah, let the veg-head do it." Meaning you should make it for me. I love you Veg-Head!

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Aww Lisa! I just got home a couple minutes ago.

I love Beaner. But 'beaner' in the other sense is a derogatory term for Latinos...fabulous, isn't it?

And I'll always be glad to make vegetarian food for you. I sure do love my vegetables. Or something. A demain-

[dellac.livejournal.com]

I have a question. Which part of it bothered you? Was it referring to the person as 'that', or was it the questioning at all. Im not sure how I stand on the questioning someones gender debate. Like I understand that it can reify "the binary" it can also be an honest question ie. I wonder what gender that person was raised in our crazily gendered society. Gender as it stands is such a central part of identity that I don't see how we can expect people to ignore its specificity. Im not sure that the world im looking for is one in which there is no gender so much as where gender characteristics are expressed in many different ways in different combinations with sexual and genetic characteristics and other gender characteristics. Sorry im ranbling im stoned.

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Oh Lindsay...I love you. "Sorry I'm rambling I'm stoned." Wish I had that excuse...

Okay, first let me say that I TOTALLY agree w/you that it's not about no gender but about mulitplicties, proliferating and specific deliciousnesses of gender. Yeah. And of course, it can be really attractive to not be able to immediately read someone's gender (like, is that a femme bitch top or a straight girl? is that a trannyboy or a transgirl butch dyke? is that a butch or a nontrans guy? etc) But the question, "What is that?" bothers me on a lot of levels.

First it implies that the person asking has the right to make a spectacle of another person's body. THis particularly pisses me off (and this may or may not be fucked up on my part) when it comes from a nontrans/nonqueer person directed at a trans and/or queer person. The fact that some unmarked, presumably normal One can turn their gaze onto someone and supremely Other them is really fucked up.

The phrasing of the question is dehumanizing as well.

Bah, I wrote a much better reply last night and then it disappeared. But I think the gist comes across and we can totally talk about this more later.