much finer

[starfrosting]

I was hungover so I curled my eyelashes and drank some water, in that order.

Last night was kinda sad. Well, Su's solstice thing was, of course, lovely of mulled wine and music and a buncha little women in a communal kitchen. And it was Ethan's birthday, so happy 20th to Ethan! But it was just such a weird scene at his party...alcohol is great, yknow, but I don't like feeling uncomfortable and 'other' around straight people and I totally did. Spin the Bottle was an exercise in not wanting to kick this one girl who I kept unfortunately spinning. Whenever she had to kiss me (or another girl) she would loudly remark about no tongue (like I'd want my tongue in her mouth) and after that oh-so humiliating peck w/another girl--or, horror of horrors, a la-la-lesbian--she'd straddle herself onto the lap of the token straight boy. Said straight boy is, in my opinion, probably fucking his hallmate, so yknow.

Wow, this sounds so bitter. I guess it kinda is. Last night I looked at myself 4 shots of tequila and a two swigs from lukewarm vodka bottle in the mirror of my hall bathroom and I looked like someone had beaten me up and my knuckles had calloused, but I liked the way my cheekbones jutted like some ugly Johnny Rotten butch but my eyes were sad. Drunkenly wondering if dykes would be tough and blue if we were ever considered totally okay. So whatever, I don't mean to make queer the centerpiece of "my identity" and tell some tale about how oppressed I am or some shit cos I'm not. It's just my face looked drawn and my partnerlover white ribbed A-line and all four of us queers sat in a clump during that great game. And that stupid straight girl with such clear blue eyes you'd think she'd be a good person made me feel like such shit.

Comments

[kittenpistol.livejournal.com]

Olivia, i think she made you feel like shit because she's not comfortable with her own sexuality and had to make herself look like the 'big' person. You should be proud you know who you are, what your sexuality is and traveling on the right path to discovering what makes you happy. Don't let shitty people make you feel bad. I think you're awesome.

What Kate said.

[jaclyn325mink.livejournal.com]

Just remember this: I love you no matter what & so do all of the people you really care about, right? Think to yourself "they're all a bunch of fuckers" and imagine me trying to say that without sounding silly (because I know I sound silly when I curse).

[(Anonymous)]

hey olivia, this is alison... i'm at home and therefore bored so i thought i'd check out your livejournal... anyway i agree with you about ethan's party--i was really uncomfortable too. i'm not sure why we didn't all just leave. i don't think my discomfort stemmed from exactly the same place as yours (at least not from said straight girl as i didn't spin her, although i did notice here discomfort). i wondered if it was the "other" around the straight people thing, but as most of the straight people there (aka my friends) weren't the problem for me i'm not sure what was... ethan's friends who i didn't know well made me uncomfortable, i don't know what else there was to it... anyway, rather than turning this into a journal entry of my own or something i'll leave it at that and go back to your entries...

Alison!

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

Alison, I am glad that you read my livejournal. For some reason that makes me really happy...Yeah, it was a weird scene, I felt--(no jab against Ethan of course, just a combination of factors I suppose.) Speaking of scenes, Danielle's party was an interesting blend of people; I felt like that worked, though.

So yeah, don't worry about turning comments 'into a journal entry of yr own' cos I love long chunks of paragraphs about people's random thoughts. It's really nice to hear from you; keep commenting.

ps-Dyou know if Kelsey got home?

Re: Alison!

[(Anonymous)]

hey, yeah, kelsey got home... she ended up having to call a locksmith, but it worked out alright and sort of caravanned most of the way and stopped at a rest stop for dinner--so all's well that ends well i suppose:) and yeah i agree, danielle's interesting blend of people worked, ethan's not so much... not entirely sure why.